I just wanted to take a quick minute to inform you all of the absurdity of today being a weekday. Thursday, of all days! That makes no sense! Yesterday my wife had the day off, we went to a parade, visited with friends and family, and attended a barbecue in the evening. If that doesn't sound like a Saturday, then I don't know what does. And yet here we are, pretending to go about our business like yesterday was a Wednesday! Ridiculous!
I can't think of any good reason why I should have to do any of my normal weekday stuff today. And where is my wife? Why is she at work? Lame! I blame the person who decided to allow holidays to happen in the middle of the week. I may not have a job now, but I have had many in the past, and I know that when your week is interrupted in the middle, it throws everything off. Why even go to work on weeks like that? It makes no sense! There is a reason many businesses give the Friday after Thanksgiving off. Most people just take it off anyway, and those that don't are just phoning it in. So why make them come in? And today is like that.
Therefore, I declare that today is Sunday. Please everyone leave work immediately (specifically my wife) so that we can all have a fun day off and I don't have to do any boring Thursday things. Do we not live in a democracy!? Did we not just celebrate that fact all day yesterday, on New Saturday?! Then let us put it to a vote! All Americans! Please cast your vote! Shall we work today like it is a Thursday, or shall we brunch and laze about like it is a Sunday? I say we let the majority rule on this one.