I thought that the 83rd annual Academy Awards were kind of meh, but the party was great! For the 8th year running, I hosted a get-together at my place to watch the show. For the first year since I became a parent, I had actually seen all of the best picture nominees, and it was a great crop of movies this year. Some quick notes:
The show: I thought James Franco and Anne Hathaway were kind of boring (mostly James Franco) and I really like both of them. Oh well. Maybe it wasn't them, but the general lack of fun in the show? Maybe it was the show's writers? Maybe it was the fact that the hosts were not comedians? I don't know, but it was certainly my least favorite telecast in recent memory. By far, my favorite bit was the auto-tune segment. I love a good misuse of auto-tune.
The awards: The actual awards and winners were pretty spot on. I was rooting for Hailee Steinfeld, and I thought Inception and How to Train Your Dragon had the best scores, but overall it was a good mix. I had assumed that The King's Speech would sweep more categories, and it was nice to see the love spread out a little bit this year.
The food: This year we served 127 Hors D'ouevres, Winter's Boneless Wings, Harry Potter and the Deathly Nachos - Part 1, Black & White Swan Cookies, Melonception, Prawn: Legacy, The Chips Are All Right (The Dip Is Better), and of course, Salt. Our drink station was called How To Drain Your Flagon, and included delicious beverages like Buzz Rootbeer.
The party: I think we had the biggest turnout yet! Usually, I get people calling at the last minute saying they can't come. This year, I had people calling at the last minute saying they could come! It was fabulous. And people brought food! I don't usually ask people to bring things, but people showed up unannounced with cookies, cupcakes, and all manner of delicious items! Wonderful! I was worried about the transfer of the party from Baltimore to Vermont, but it turns out I didn't need to worry, and now I can't wait for next year!
P.S. - We let Ruby stay up until 9:10 to see Toy Story 3 win Best Animated Feature. She was thrilled!
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Monday, February 28, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Setting Up a Series of Traps for Your Baby
You know the feeling. You are sitting at home trying to get something done, but for some unfathomable reason buried deep in the past, you decided to have a baby. Now the days of getting things done are a distant memory, or were they just a hazy half-remembered dream? Either way, you are now faced with the daunting task of accomplishing something (this could range from curing a major disease to taking a shower) with a huge obstacle crawling all over you. And there is really only one hope for you.
I know, I know, they started out cute and giggly, but then they learned to sit up and grab things. No problem, because you can just sit them in the middle of an empty room. But then they learned to crawl around! No problem, you can just put everything up high. But then, horrifically, they learned to climb, and even walk a little. Now you are doomed. As my mother says, "You can't stop them, you just try to slow them down." This is where your last hope lies. You must set a series of traps and pitfalls for your baby if you ever want to get anything done again.
The secret here is to put up obstacles that will collapse when climbed on, but are basically soft and light. If you put up a barrier that is hard and heavy, your baby will somehow manage to climb over it, leaving it unmoved. If you put up a barrier that is hard and light, your baby will pull it down onto it's head, severely poking itself in the eye. If you put up something that is heavy and soft, again, your baby will climb right over that thing like it is a baby climbing wall. But if you can put up something soft and light, your baby will become so entangled in it, that it will give you a few seconds to run over, grab your baby, put it back where it goes, and reset the traps.
Some of my favorite traps include empty laundry baskets, big empty cardboard boxes, and buckets of toys. Basically anything that makes noise when your baby starts attempting to destroy it will work. Big piles of blankets seem like a good idea, but you will never hear your baby sneak through those. On a related topic, if your baby is super fast, you may need to set up a row of traps at each possible escape route. These babies are wily, and if you blink, you'll lose them.
I hope that this has been informative and that, whether you are watching your own children, or trying to capture someone else's baby, you will now have the tools you need to both reign in those tiny destructobots, as well as get something else done. Good luck, and...oops, gotta go, I think one of my traps just went off....
I know, I know, they started out cute and giggly, but then they learned to sit up and grab things. No problem, because you can just sit them in the middle of an empty room. But then they learned to crawl around! No problem, you can just put everything up high. But then, horrifically, they learned to climb, and even walk a little. Now you are doomed. As my mother says, "You can't stop them, you just try to slow them down." This is where your last hope lies. You must set a series of traps and pitfalls for your baby if you ever want to get anything done again.
The secret here is to put up obstacles that will collapse when climbed on, but are basically soft and light. If you put up a barrier that is hard and heavy, your baby will somehow manage to climb over it, leaving it unmoved. If you put up a barrier that is hard and light, your baby will pull it down onto it's head, severely poking itself in the eye. If you put up something that is heavy and soft, again, your baby will climb right over that thing like it is a baby climbing wall. But if you can put up something soft and light, your baby will become so entangled in it, that it will give you a few seconds to run over, grab your baby, put it back where it goes, and reset the traps.
Some of my favorite traps include empty laundry baskets, big empty cardboard boxes, and buckets of toys. Basically anything that makes noise when your baby starts attempting to destroy it will work. Big piles of blankets seem like a good idea, but you will never hear your baby sneak through those. On a related topic, if your baby is super fast, you may need to set up a row of traps at each possible escape route. These babies are wily, and if you blink, you'll lose them.
I hope that this has been informative and that, whether you are watching your own children, or trying to capture someone else's baby, you will now have the tools you need to both reign in those tiny destructobots, as well as get something else done. Good luck, and...oops, gotta go, I think one of my traps just went off....
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Overheard in the New York Subway
So I was in New York for an audition yesterday, and I was heading back to my car afterward, via the subway, and I witnessed this conversation:
First let me set the scene - a crowded subway car in New York City. A girl is sitting down reading a book and a young man wearing sunglasses with poofy hair enters the car and stands next to me.
Guy: (to girl) Hey, do you always take this train?
Girl: (looking up from her book) Yeah. (She looks at the guy for a second, then goes back to reading)
Guy: Do you always sit in this car?
Girl: (thinking about it...) Ummmm, I'm not sure. Maybe? (goes back to reading)
Guy: Do you always ignore cute boys who talk to you on the subway?
Girl: (without looking up) Yes.
Now, this is where the story should have ended, and it would have been a facebook status update instead of a blog, but the story did not end there. We rode another stop or two in silence, but then this guy started up again.
Guy: Can I ask why you won't talk to me?
Girl: (puts her book down, looks at the guy, smiles and says...) Why are you wearing sunglasses? It's really dark down here.
Guy: (still smiling for the moment) Oh, uh, I have problems with my contacts and my eyes hurt.
Girl: Take you sunglasses off, I want to see your eyes.
Guy: (no longer smiling) Um, no, it's ok.
Girl: (stands up and goes over to the guy) C'mon, take them off. What's the big deal? (reaches for his sunglasses)
Guy: No! No! It's fine. (protects his glasses with his hand and turns away)
Then the girl sat back down and started reading her book again. The guy never said another word and got off at the next stop. It was very strange, but I guess that's New York for you. On my way to the audition, some high school kids were acting up on the subway, and a guy in a suit randomly yelled "Settle Down! These are my tax dollars at work!" in their faces. I guess he pays some sort of annoying teenager on the subway tax that I don't know about. Anyway, my audition went pretty well, and now I am home again. I didn't see any monstrous trucks this time, and when I got home, Ruby (who was supposed to be sleeping) leaped out of her room to greet me with a big hug. New York is fun, but it's always better to come home.
First let me set the scene - a crowded subway car in New York City. A girl is sitting down reading a book and a young man wearing sunglasses with poofy hair enters the car and stands next to me.
Guy: (to girl) Hey, do you always take this train?
Girl: (looking up from her book) Yeah. (She looks at the guy for a second, then goes back to reading)
Guy: Do you always sit in this car?
Girl: (thinking about it...) Ummmm, I'm not sure. Maybe? (goes back to reading)
Guy: Do you always ignore cute boys who talk to you on the subway?
Girl: (without looking up) Yes.
Now, this is where the story should have ended, and it would have been a facebook status update instead of a blog, but the story did not end there. We rode another stop or two in silence, but then this guy started up again.
Guy: Can I ask why you won't talk to me?
Girl: (puts her book down, looks at the guy, smiles and says...) Why are you wearing sunglasses? It's really dark down here.
Guy: (still smiling for the moment) Oh, uh, I have problems with my contacts and my eyes hurt.
Girl: Take you sunglasses off, I want to see your eyes.
Guy: (no longer smiling) Um, no, it's ok.
Girl: (stands up and goes over to the guy) C'mon, take them off. What's the big deal? (reaches for his sunglasses)
Guy: No! No! It's fine. (protects his glasses with his hand and turns away)
Then the girl sat back down and started reading her book again. The guy never said another word and got off at the next stop. It was very strange, but I guess that's New York for you. On my way to the audition, some high school kids were acting up on the subway, and a guy in a suit randomly yelled "Settle Down! These are my tax dollars at work!" in their faces. I guess he pays some sort of annoying teenager on the subway tax that I don't know about. Anyway, my audition went pretty well, and now I am home again. I didn't see any monstrous trucks this time, and when I got home, Ruby (who was supposed to be sleeping) leaped out of her room to greet me with a big hug. New York is fun, but it's always better to come home.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
What To Give Your Best Friend On Their Birthday
Shopping for your best friend can be difficult, probably because you do not have any money and/or a best friend, so you should do what I do every year for my best friend, starting this year. You should give them a blog posting. Blog postings are relatively cheap, and they are personal and thoughtful, so it really is a perfect gift. Also, your best friend cannot return it, so you know they will continue to enjoy it for the rest of their lives.
Today is my best friend's birthday. I am not supposed to use real people's names, for fear of litigation, so I will call him Bleric Ack. Bleric is turning almost 30 today, so I thought I would reminisce about the first time Bleric and I met.
The year was 2006, and we were at our first day of grad school together. Everyone had been assigned the group task of writing a mini-opera together, and we were sitting outside, huddled around the pianist's laptop, trying to come up with ideas. Then Bleric accidentally knocked his drink over, right onto the laptop! Well, of course he felt terrible, and we all assured him that it was fine and such a silly thing that no one would even remember it a year from then. This is my first memory of Bleric Ack.
Through the years we have had a lot of good times, although I don't see him much anymore, now that I am in Vermont, and he lives in Mermantown, GD. We have been in lots of shows together, and after hanging out all night at rehearsal, we would get into our cars and immediately call each other and talk the rest of the way home as well. That is how you can tell which friend is your best friend. He used to come over and play Skip-Bo with me and Simone, and he was the only one of my DC friends that made regular visits up to Baltimore once we moved. That is also how you can tell which friend is your best friend.
I wish we could hang out more again, but even when we live far away, we are still friends, and I hope he has a happy birthday, even though he has to work all day. And I hope he likes this awesome present that I just made him! Happy Birthday Bleric!
Today is my best friend's birthday. I am not supposed to use real people's names, for fear of litigation, so I will call him Bleric Ack. Bleric is turning almost 30 today, so I thought I would reminisce about the first time Bleric and I met.
The year was 2006, and we were at our first day of grad school together. Everyone had been assigned the group task of writing a mini-opera together, and we were sitting outside, huddled around the pianist's laptop, trying to come up with ideas. Then Bleric accidentally knocked his drink over, right onto the laptop! Well, of course he felt terrible, and we all assured him that it was fine and such a silly thing that no one would even remember it a year from then. This is my first memory of Bleric Ack.
Through the years we have had a lot of good times, although I don't see him much anymore, now that I am in Vermont, and he lives in Mermantown, GD. We have been in lots of shows together, and after hanging out all night at rehearsal, we would get into our cars and immediately call each other and talk the rest of the way home as well. That is how you can tell which friend is your best friend. He used to come over and play Skip-Bo with me and Simone, and he was the only one of my DC friends that made regular visits up to Baltimore once we moved. That is also how you can tell which friend is your best friend.
I wish we could hang out more again, but even when we live far away, we are still friends, and I hope he has a happy birthday, even though he has to work all day. And I hope he likes this awesome present that I just made him! Happy Birthday Bleric!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Hamm Intanma
What's the deal with Hannah Montana? Is she still popular? Isn't it all iCarly and Justin Beiber now? Not being the parent of a tween girl, it's sometimes hard to keep up with the trends. Ruby, being almost four, is exempt from most of the crazes that go on, although she has tweenish cousins who are always cluing us in on the latest fads. But somewhere along the line we received a Hannah Montana guitar, and a Hannah Montana doll, known in our house as "Hamm Intanma."
The guitar plays about 20 seconds each of three Hannah Montana songs, which Ruby has memorized and sings repeatedly. She likes to run around the house pretending to play it and singing boisterously. We got the guitar first, and it was easy to ignore the tweeny connotations of it, because it was just a guitar that played songs. It could have been anyone singing the songs and she would have loved it, so I told myself that we were not on our way to liking older girl type stuff. She could stay a baby awhile longer, as far as I was concerned.
Then we got the doll. Hamm Intanma is basically a Barbie doll, but made to look like Hannah Montana. Ruby loves her of course, even though she seems incapable of correctly pronouncing her name. On the other hand, that is fine with me too, because I don't want Ruby to like Hannah Montana yet, but I'm ok with Hamm Intanma. For a while that was Ruby's only Barbie-type doll, but as of Christmas, Hamm Intanma is best friends with Rapunzel.
I know that I can't stop Ruby from growing up, and soon she will start liking all sorts of things that completely horrify me. I know that Hannah Montana is mostly harmless in the grand scheme of things, but somehow she stands as a symbol to me, of where Ruby is headed and how fast she is going there. Is it so much to ask that Ruby stay almost 4 forever and just live at home and be my best friend? I guess it is, and that's not really what I want anyway, but as each new phase begins, there is some sadness in the passing of the old. At least we'll always have Hamm Intanma.
The guitar plays about 20 seconds each of three Hannah Montana songs, which Ruby has memorized and sings repeatedly. She likes to run around the house pretending to play it and singing boisterously. We got the guitar first, and it was easy to ignore the tweeny connotations of it, because it was just a guitar that played songs. It could have been anyone singing the songs and she would have loved it, so I told myself that we were not on our way to liking older girl type stuff. She could stay a baby awhile longer, as far as I was concerned.
Then we got the doll. Hamm Intanma is basically a Barbie doll, but made to look like Hannah Montana. Ruby loves her of course, even though she seems incapable of correctly pronouncing her name. On the other hand, that is fine with me too, because I don't want Ruby to like Hannah Montana yet, but I'm ok with Hamm Intanma. For a while that was Ruby's only Barbie-type doll, but as of Christmas, Hamm Intanma is best friends with Rapunzel.
I know that I can't stop Ruby from growing up, and soon she will start liking all sorts of things that completely horrify me. I know that Hannah Montana is mostly harmless in the grand scheme of things, but somehow she stands as a symbol to me, of where Ruby is headed and how fast she is going there. Is it so much to ask that Ruby stay almost 4 forever and just live at home and be my best friend? I guess it is, and that's not really what I want anyway, but as each new phase begins, there is some sadness in the passing of the old. At least we'll always have Hamm Intanma.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Unions are the Republicans of Business
I'm not trying to stir up trouble here, or be insulting, but I just don't understand Republicans. Individually I sometimes do, but as a group, they seem to say one thing and do another. There are many examples of this, but the one I want to focus on today is the big brouhaha in Wisconsin. For whatever reasons, and I'm sure there are many on both sides, the state is coming to a crazy standstill, and from what I've read in articles online, and seen in facebook statuses, people seem to be dividing along union lines. And this is where I don't get it.
Unions are the Republicans of business. Big Business is basically like a government. When you work for someone, they set the laws, give you your rights, and tell you what to do. The individual has little power, other than to quit I suppose, but at the end of the day, the power is in the hands of the boss, or the corporation. And Republicans should hate this. I went to the G.O.P. website to see what they profess to believe, and I got this quote: "With a core belief in the primacy of individuals, the Republican Party, since its inception, has been at the forefront of the fight for individuals' rights in opposition to a large, intrusive government." This is, according to their website, the primary belief of the Republican party.
So in the business world, who is fighting for the rights of the individuals, in opposition to a large, intrusive "government"? Unions! At their very core, unions are about individuals banding together, making sure they are not oppressed by a larger power. They protect workers' safety and well-being, and ensure financial success for the individuals. Now, can unions take it too far? Of course. Anyone can take anything too far. And any healthy relationship has to be a balance, a give and take between the two opposing sides. But if I had to guess just based on their website, I would guess that Republicans would be all over supporting unions.
Now, I'm not writing this because I am pro-union (which I usually am), or anti-union (which I sometimes am). I'm writing this because I don't understand the political position of the Republican party on the issue of unions. If I wanted to make a case for unions, specifically the teachers unions which are in question, I would point out that in 2010, Wisconsin was 3rd in the country in SAT scores and 16th in ACT scores, whereas states like Texas (that do not allow collective bargaining) ranked 45th and 34th respectively. But I am not trying to make that case, and obviously there are numerous factors that give Wisconsin high test scores and Texas low test scores, so pointing to any one fact really doesn't make any case. I would say that obviously the people in Wisconsin are doing something right, unions or not, but that doesn't confuse me. What confuses me is, why aren't conservatives using these facts to support the collective rights of the individual?
For some reason, Republicans are pro-big business. It may have something to do with the fact that most of their leaders are involved in big business, and have a lot to financially gain from squashing the little guy, but for a regular old conservative person, who believes that individuals should have rights, and not be shoved around by a governing body, this anti-union position makes no sense. At least to me. Can someone explain it?
Unions are the Republicans of business. Big Business is basically like a government. When you work for someone, they set the laws, give you your rights, and tell you what to do. The individual has little power, other than to quit I suppose, but at the end of the day, the power is in the hands of the boss, or the corporation. And Republicans should hate this. I went to the G.O.P. website to see what they profess to believe, and I got this quote: "With a core belief in the primacy of individuals, the Republican Party, since its inception, has been at the forefront of the fight for individuals' rights in opposition to a large, intrusive government." This is, according to their website, the primary belief of the Republican party.
So in the business world, who is fighting for the rights of the individuals, in opposition to a large, intrusive "government"? Unions! At their very core, unions are about individuals banding together, making sure they are not oppressed by a larger power. They protect workers' safety and well-being, and ensure financial success for the individuals. Now, can unions take it too far? Of course. Anyone can take anything too far. And any healthy relationship has to be a balance, a give and take between the two opposing sides. But if I had to guess just based on their website, I would guess that Republicans would be all over supporting unions.
Now, I'm not writing this because I am pro-union (which I usually am), or anti-union (which I sometimes am). I'm writing this because I don't understand the political position of the Republican party on the issue of unions. If I wanted to make a case for unions, specifically the teachers unions which are in question, I would point out that in 2010, Wisconsin was 3rd in the country in SAT scores and 16th in ACT scores, whereas states like Texas (that do not allow collective bargaining) ranked 45th and 34th respectively. But I am not trying to make that case, and obviously there are numerous factors that give Wisconsin high test scores and Texas low test scores, so pointing to any one fact really doesn't make any case. I would say that obviously the people in Wisconsin are doing something right, unions or not, but that doesn't confuse me. What confuses me is, why aren't conservatives using these facts to support the collective rights of the individual?
For some reason, Republicans are pro-big business. It may have something to do with the fact that most of their leaders are involved in big business, and have a lot to financially gain from squashing the little guy, but for a regular old conservative person, who believes that individuals should have rights, and not be shoved around by a governing body, this anti-union position makes no sense. At least to me. Can someone explain it?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Cramming for the Oscars
The Academy Awards are in just over a week now, and I am trying to see as many of the films as possible. When last we discussed this subject, I had seen seven out of ten best picture nominees, and a few of the other movies as well. Over the past few weeks, I have been cramming. Here's how I've been doing.
I have now seen nine of the ten nominees for best picture. Only 127 Hours to go. My only problem is that I don't really want to see it. I mean, I'm sure it is a great movie, but... Well, we'll see. I can tell you now that Winter's Bone is not a porn flick, nor is it the heartwarming story of a dog named Winter on a quest for his missing bone. It is a depressing portrait of rural poverty that, from what I've heard, is scarily accurate. It was good, but man... Not a feel good flick, that's for sure.
I've also seen The Kids Are All Right. Now this I really enjoyed. It was funny, it was heartbreaking, and it was real. What I liked about it was that it focused on a marriage, whereas most movies end with a wedding or proposal like that is the end of the story. There is a lot more life and relationship that goes on after the meet/cute, and it was nice to see some of it on screen.
When I am not watching best picture nominees, I am trying to see the rest of the nominees in other categories. For our Valentine's Day date, Simone and I had to choose between Blue Valentine and The Illusionist. Even though it had the word Valentine in the title, we thought The Illusionist would be a little lighter fare for a romantic date. Boy, I don't think we had any good options here. The Illusionist was a little...slow. And depressing. Sort of. I don't know what it was, but I really did think Tangled was a better film. Oh well.
Finally, we rented The Town, which has a supporting actor nomination, and How to Train Your Dragon, which is up against The Illusionist and Toy Story 3 for best animated feature. I thought The Town was just incredible and how it missed a best picture nod is beyond me. How to Train Your Dragon was also great, but it is obviously impossible to be better than Toy Story 3 this year, so too bad for it.
We still have nine days to go, so I will try and see a few more before the big event, but I feel good about my preparation. It's tough to see movies when you have little kids, and I am ahead of last year. I don't know if I will see 127 Hours. I guess I'll let you know.
I have now seen nine of the ten nominees for best picture. Only 127 Hours to go. My only problem is that I don't really want to see it. I mean, I'm sure it is a great movie, but... Well, we'll see. I can tell you now that Winter's Bone is not a porn flick, nor is it the heartwarming story of a dog named Winter on a quest for his missing bone. It is a depressing portrait of rural poverty that, from what I've heard, is scarily accurate. It was good, but man... Not a feel good flick, that's for sure.
I've also seen The Kids Are All Right. Now this I really enjoyed. It was funny, it was heartbreaking, and it was real. What I liked about it was that it focused on a marriage, whereas most movies end with a wedding or proposal like that is the end of the story. There is a lot more life and relationship that goes on after the meet/cute, and it was nice to see some of it on screen.
When I am not watching best picture nominees, I am trying to see the rest of the nominees in other categories. For our Valentine's Day date, Simone and I had to choose between Blue Valentine and The Illusionist. Even though it had the word Valentine in the title, we thought The Illusionist would be a little lighter fare for a romantic date. Boy, I don't think we had any good options here. The Illusionist was a little...slow. And depressing. Sort of. I don't know what it was, but I really did think Tangled was a better film. Oh well.
Finally, we rented The Town, which has a supporting actor nomination, and How to Train Your Dragon, which is up against The Illusionist and Toy Story 3 for best animated feature. I thought The Town was just incredible and how it missed a best picture nod is beyond me. How to Train Your Dragon was also great, but it is obviously impossible to be better than Toy Story 3 this year, so too bad for it.
We still have nine days to go, so I will try and see a few more before the big event, but I feel good about my preparation. It's tough to see movies when you have little kids, and I am ahead of last year. I don't know if I will see 127 Hours. I guess I'll let you know.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Does Watching the Same Commercial 6 Times in a Row Really Work?
Let's see if I can somehow relate this rant to either music or parenting. As a parent, I needed some unwinding time after the kids were in bed, so I decided to watch the music-filled show "Glee" on my computer, since I had missed the Superbowl episode due to lack of television. And while watching this (or any) show online, I was subjected to the same advertisement, six or more times.
The ad in question was for Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese, although I don't think it matters what the ad was for. Basically, there was a "cute" kid being precocious, and telling us how the new mac 'n' cheese had saved the day. Here is a recounting of my feelings as the show progressed.
1st Time) That kid is kind of cute. That food looks kind of good. I guess I might get it, if I had a coupon or it was on sale or something.
2nd Time) This again? We just saw this commercial five minutes ago! Why do we have to watch it again? That kid sure seems less cute.
3rd Time) I hate that kid. I want to punch him in the face. Also, why would I buy this product? The more I think about it, the more I realize that you can't buy homestyle food. You have to make it. That is the point of it, isnt' it?
4th Time) WHY?! Please make it stop! I hate this commercial so much! I just want to watch my show! I have now memorized every line in this damn commercial sent straight to my computer from the depths of hell, and I hate that it is burned into my brain. Luckily I can hit mute on my computer so at least I don't have to hear that stupid kid talking. Boy do I hate his stupid face though.
5th Time) *sobbing*
6th Time) I will never, ever, ever get that Homestyle Macaroni & Cheese, even if they are giving it out for free. And if I ever see that kid on the street, I will punch him.
Perhaps you have had a different experience, but for me, being forced to watch the same thing over and over again, even if I liked it the first time or two, really turns me off of the product. Now, if they were just going for brand recognition, mission accomplished. I am very familiar with their product. I just hope they were also going for brand hatred. Bordering on jihad. And now I think I'm going to go make my own damn macaroni. So there.
The ad in question was for Homestyle Macaroni and Cheese, although I don't think it matters what the ad was for. Basically, there was a "cute" kid being precocious, and telling us how the new mac 'n' cheese had saved the day. Here is a recounting of my feelings as the show progressed.
1st Time) That kid is kind of cute. That food looks kind of good. I guess I might get it, if I had a coupon or it was on sale or something.
2nd Time) This again? We just saw this commercial five minutes ago! Why do we have to watch it again? That kid sure seems less cute.
3rd Time) I hate that kid. I want to punch him in the face. Also, why would I buy this product? The more I think about it, the more I realize that you can't buy homestyle food. You have to make it. That is the point of it, isnt' it?
4th Time) WHY?! Please make it stop! I hate this commercial so much! I just want to watch my show! I have now memorized every line in this damn commercial sent straight to my computer from the depths of hell, and I hate that it is burned into my brain. Luckily I can hit mute on my computer so at least I don't have to hear that stupid kid talking. Boy do I hate his stupid face though.
5th Time) *sobbing*
6th Time) I will never, ever, ever get that Homestyle Macaroni & Cheese, even if they are giving it out for free. And if I ever see that kid on the street, I will punch him.
Perhaps you have had a different experience, but for me, being forced to watch the same thing over and over again, even if I liked it the first time or two, really turns me off of the product. Now, if they were just going for brand recognition, mission accomplished. I am very familiar with their product. I just hope they were also going for brand hatred. Bordering on jihad. And now I think I'm going to go make my own damn macaroni. So there.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tenor vs. Dad Debate: Lady Gaga's "Born This Way"
Hello, and welcome to a new segment on our blog, "Tenor vs. Dad Debate," in which the two halves of Tenor Dad will have opposing viewpoints on a certain topic. Today's subject is Lady Gaga's new single "Born This Way," which Dad does not approve of, and Tenor kind of likes. Let's give them the floor.
Tenor: So Dad, we meet again.
Dad: Hello Tenor.
Tenor: Well, let's get right down to it. Lady Gaga has put out another modern masterpiece which has a fabulous message of acceptance and you can dance to it. End of story.
Dad: Not so fast buddy. My issue with the song, besides that fact that it is the exact same song as "Express Yourself," is the hitting you over the head lyrics. As a parent, I don't know if I want my three-year-old running around singing things like "No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life," etc. And it's not that I don't agree with her, but unlike, say, Michael Jackson's "Black or White," (another overt acceptance anthem), Gaga is dealing with sexual orientation, not appearance. I don't want my kid singing about sexual ANYthing. I don't want my kid to know what sex is! I think it would have been a much more universal song if she had left out the specifics and stuck to the broader "Born This Way" theme, which still gets the message of acceptance out without beating us over the head with it.
Tenor: It is not the same song as "Express Yourself." It is an homage.
Dad: Now look, it has the same chords and the same freaking melody. It is not an homage. It is almost more of a parody, where only the lyrics are changed.
Tenor: Well, I like "Express Yourself," so I like "Born This Way" too.
Dad: That's fine, I am not knocking the beat, I am just saying that if it came on the radio when my kids were in the car, I would change the station.
Tenor: Wait, wait, wait. Isn't your daughter's favorite song "Your Love is My Drug," by Ke$ha?
Dad: First of all, she is your daughter too...
Tenor: Not in this crazy schizophrenic blog she's not...
Dad: And second of all, as I have mentioned, Ruby thinks that song is called "Get Out of My Truck." Ke$ha should really learn to enunciate.
Tenor: Ok, so since Ruby doesn't know what any of those sexually oriented terms mean, can't you just make up similar sounding words then, so she can sing it? Like..."No matter cake treat, or pie, let's be in train center life!"
Dad: No, that is stupid.
Tenor: You're stupid.
Dad: Why don't you get a job, loser!
Ok, ok, thanks guys. Well, that was a great first debate. I think we all learned a lot. Mostly that tenors are dumb, and parents are overprotective, but regardless, I hope you can now participate in a discussion on this subject and sound intelligent. Join us next time, when we debate the economy, or Jersey Shore. Thank you.
Tenor: So Dad, we meet again.
Dad: Hello Tenor.
Tenor: Well, let's get right down to it. Lady Gaga has put out another modern masterpiece which has a fabulous message of acceptance and you can dance to it. End of story.
Dad: Not so fast buddy. My issue with the song, besides that fact that it is the exact same song as "Express Yourself," is the hitting you over the head lyrics. As a parent, I don't know if I want my three-year-old running around singing things like "No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgendered life," etc. And it's not that I don't agree with her, but unlike, say, Michael Jackson's "Black or White," (another overt acceptance anthem), Gaga is dealing with sexual orientation, not appearance. I don't want my kid singing about sexual ANYthing. I don't want my kid to know what sex is! I think it would have been a much more universal song if she had left out the specifics and stuck to the broader "Born This Way" theme, which still gets the message of acceptance out without beating us over the head with it.
Tenor: It is not the same song as "Express Yourself." It is an homage.
Dad: Now look, it has the same chords and the same freaking melody. It is not an homage. It is almost more of a parody, where only the lyrics are changed.
Tenor: Well, I like "Express Yourself," so I like "Born This Way" too.
Dad: That's fine, I am not knocking the beat, I am just saying that if it came on the radio when my kids were in the car, I would change the station.
Tenor: Wait, wait, wait. Isn't your daughter's favorite song "Your Love is My Drug," by Ke$ha?
Dad: First of all, she is your daughter too...
Tenor: Not in this crazy schizophrenic blog she's not...
Dad: And second of all, as I have mentioned, Ruby thinks that song is called "Get Out of My Truck." Ke$ha should really learn to enunciate.
Tenor: Ok, so since Ruby doesn't know what any of those sexually oriented terms mean, can't you just make up similar sounding words then, so she can sing it? Like..."No matter cake treat, or pie, let's be in train center life!"
Dad: No, that is stupid.
Tenor: You're stupid.
Dad: Why don't you get a job, loser!
Ok, ok, thanks guys. Well, that was a great first debate. I think we all learned a lot. Mostly that tenors are dumb, and parents are overprotective, but regardless, I hope you can now participate in a discussion on this subject and sound intelligent. Join us next time, when we debate the economy, or Jersey Shore. Thank you.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
How the Cake Fell on Ruby, and Other Stories
My mother was watching my children while I was in Mew York for my audition, so when I got home Simone and I decided to have our Valentine's Day date early, before we had to pick the kids up. Since we were going to a 40th birthday party for Uncle Big Dave (my sister's husband, not to be confused with Uncle Small Dave, Simone's sister's husband) for dinner, we decided to have a nice lunch and go to a movie.
For lunch we decided on Outback Steakhouse, because we never get to eat steak, and we wanted to have something that was the polar opposite from what we would be having for dinner. We were not sure of the menu at my mother's house, but if you have ever eaten at my mother's house then you know that we will not be having steak.
After a nice meal, we decided to go see The Illusionist, because it was nominated for an Oscar. It was a beautiful film, and by beautiful I mean "mind-numbingly boring." Also, the dialogue made me feel like I was playing The Sims. Lots of whah-whahs and buhflazzuhsplehs, but not a lot of real words. Although it may have been in French, I couldn't tell.
Finally, we spent some time at Target (our favorite place) to get Uncle Big Dave a present before heading over to my mother's house. This was when we found out that, because he was turning 40, and because it is his favorite food, we were having steak for dinner.
After dinner, so full of steak I could barely move, I waddled over to the living room for the cake and presents. The presents went extremely well, thus requiring a cake disaster to restore balance to the force I suppose. My mother got Dave a lottery scratcher, and he won $500, so that was pretty amazing, and he got a bunch of other good stuff too, basically making out like a bandit. Time for cake.
What happened next is still not entirely clear to me. The cake was brought out, candles aflame, and set in front of Uncle Big Dave. He blew the candles out, and my mother tried to pick the cake up from his lap, with Ruby and Edward on the floor at their feet. And then my mother dropped the cake. Onto my children. It's a good thing Ruby was there, or I think Edward would have been completely creamed, but, protected by his big sister, Edward was only mildly caked in the face.
Ruby was very upset, and I thought she was going to cry, except that everyone was laughing so hard at this point, that I think she was too surprised to cry. And then she realized that she was covered in delicious cake. Once she started licking the frosting off of herself, she was fine. Better than fine, she was thrilled. You would have thought that getting caked was the best thing that had ever happened to her!
We got her cleaned off and put some new clothes on her (much to her dismay), and set about salvaging as much of the cake as we could. In the end, it was a fine party, with steak and cake enjoyed by all. But don't let my mother near you with any baked goods. I'm just saying.
For lunch we decided on Outback Steakhouse, because we never get to eat steak, and we wanted to have something that was the polar opposite from what we would be having for dinner. We were not sure of the menu at my mother's house, but if you have ever eaten at my mother's house then you know that we will not be having steak.
After a nice meal, we decided to go see The Illusionist, because it was nominated for an Oscar. It was a beautiful film, and by beautiful I mean "mind-numbingly boring." Also, the dialogue made me feel like I was playing The Sims. Lots of whah-whahs and buhflazzuhsplehs, but not a lot of real words. Although it may have been in French, I couldn't tell.
Finally, we spent some time at Target (our favorite place) to get Uncle Big Dave a present before heading over to my mother's house. This was when we found out that, because he was turning 40, and because it is his favorite food, we were having steak for dinner.
After dinner, so full of steak I could barely move, I waddled over to the living room for the cake and presents. The presents went extremely well, thus requiring a cake disaster to restore balance to the force I suppose. My mother got Dave a lottery scratcher, and he won $500, so that was pretty amazing, and he got a bunch of other good stuff too, basically making out like a bandit. Time for cake.
What happened next is still not entirely clear to me. The cake was brought out, candles aflame, and set in front of Uncle Big Dave. He blew the candles out, and my mother tried to pick the cake up from his lap, with Ruby and Edward on the floor at their feet. And then my mother dropped the cake. Onto my children. It's a good thing Ruby was there, or I think Edward would have been completely creamed, but, protected by his big sister, Edward was only mildly caked in the face.
Ruby was very upset, and I thought she was going to cry, except that everyone was laughing so hard at this point, that I think she was too surprised to cry. And then she realized that she was covered in delicious cake. Once she started licking the frosting off of herself, she was fine. Better than fine, she was thrilled. You would have thought that getting caked was the best thing that had ever happened to her!
We got her cleaned off and put some new clothes on her (much to her dismay), and set about salvaging as much of the cake as we could. In the end, it was a fine party, with steak and cake enjoyed by all. But don't let my mother near you with any baked goods. I'm just saying.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Why I Love My Wife
Today is Valentine's Day, and it only seems right that I pay tribute to my wonderful wife, without whom there would be no Tenor Dad. There would just be lonely tenor who can't find his way home from the store. So let me tell you why she is so great.
1) She is Crazy Supportive
I don't know how much you read this blog, but you may have noticed that ol' Tenor Dad does not actually have a job. Yes, there are the singing gigs from time to time, but without the support of my wife, I would not be able to do what I do. And it's not just financial support. When it seemed financially ridiculous for me to go to grad school, she wouldn't hear of me not going. When I am gone singing or auditioning, she's home alone with two kids and working full time. Believe me, I know how good I have it.
2) She is Crazy Talented
Did you know that when she was in school, people used to offer to buy her paintings? Yeah, she is that good. Though these days she spends most of her time supporting her deadbeat husband, she is also a great musician, is very well read, and makes some damn fine banana bread. I could go on, but I have to get to number three...
3) She is a Great Mother
I think she even surprised herself at how naturally she took to motherhood, but I could not ask for a better mother for my children. Every Tenor Dad needs a Mom, and I chose wisely, no doubt about it.
4) She is Super Hot
I am not allowed to go into a lot of details on this one, but let me just say, me-ow!
5) She Puts Up With Me
This is by far her most unusual and heroic attribute. I mean, have you met me? Could you live with me? No, you could not. You would kill me. But Simone loves me anyway, and that is why I love my wife.
1) She is Crazy Supportive
I don't know how much you read this blog, but you may have noticed that ol' Tenor Dad does not actually have a job. Yes, there are the singing gigs from time to time, but without the support of my wife, I would not be able to do what I do. And it's not just financial support. When it seemed financially ridiculous for me to go to grad school, she wouldn't hear of me not going. When I am gone singing or auditioning, she's home alone with two kids and working full time. Believe me, I know how good I have it.
2) She is Crazy Talented
Did you know that when she was in school, people used to offer to buy her paintings? Yeah, she is that good. Though these days she spends most of her time supporting her deadbeat husband, she is also a great musician, is very well read, and makes some damn fine banana bread. I could go on, but I have to get to number three...
3) She is a Great Mother
I think she even surprised herself at how naturally she took to motherhood, but I could not ask for a better mother for my children. Every Tenor Dad needs a Mom, and I chose wisely, no doubt about it.
4) She is Super Hot
I am not allowed to go into a lot of details on this one, but let me just say, me-ow!
5) She Puts Up With Me
This is by far her most unusual and heroic attribute. I mean, have you met me? Could you live with me? No, you could not. You would kill me. But Simone loves me anyway, and that is why I love my wife.
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Baby Dude Abides
When we had Ruby, she was such a good baby that everyone told us not to have a second one. "When you have a good first baby, the next one will be a hellion," they warned us. We heard countless stories of nice, happy first babies, followed up by siblings closer in temperament to Rosemary's Baby, or an angry yeti. Who could have ever guessed that Ruby was the "difficult" one?
Edward is the most laid back baby I have ever seen. Ruby was happy and funny and total joy, but Edward just...abides. He is almost too happy. He has had several double ear infections this winter, and honestly, it took us a long time to notice, because even when he is sick he is smiling. Sure, he is fussy when he is super tired or super hungry, but almost nothing fazes this kid.
I think that this has also contributed to his (on target, but slower than Ruby) pace at learning to move. He's getting it now, crawling a bit, pulling up a bit, cruising around the furniture a bit, but he doesn't have a huge desire to walk or move around. This is because wherever you put him, he is happy. Here Edward, let me plop you down in the middle of the floor. "Sounds good to me, I like it here," his grin seems to say. Edward, let me move you over here, out of the way. "Great, it's chill over here too." Hey Edward, crawl across the floor to Daddy! "No thanks man, I'm cool right where I am." Now, Edward, don't you want to learn to crawl and walk and stuff? "Don't harsh my vibe daddy-o, I like sitting on the floor."
Now, we're probably not going to have a third one (that is not a challenge, baby gods), but if we did, I wonder what that child would be like. Would baby number three be the hellion, or is it possible to be even more easy going and laid back than Edward? Would Pirate Boat just exist as a smiling puddle of babyness, unable to even wave or roll over, lest she disturb her inner balance? Who knows, but let me close by saying that, while I am surprised at the Edward's level of peace and happiness, I am also very, very grateful.
Edward is the most laid back baby I have ever seen. Ruby was happy and funny and total joy, but Edward just...abides. He is almost too happy. He has had several double ear infections this winter, and honestly, it took us a long time to notice, because even when he is sick he is smiling. Sure, he is fussy when he is super tired or super hungry, but almost nothing fazes this kid.
I think that this has also contributed to his (on target, but slower than Ruby) pace at learning to move. He's getting it now, crawling a bit, pulling up a bit, cruising around the furniture a bit, but he doesn't have a huge desire to walk or move around. This is because wherever you put him, he is happy. Here Edward, let me plop you down in the middle of the floor. "Sounds good to me, I like it here," his grin seems to say. Edward, let me move you over here, out of the way. "Great, it's chill over here too." Hey Edward, crawl across the floor to Daddy! "No thanks man, I'm cool right where I am." Now, Edward, don't you want to learn to crawl and walk and stuff? "Don't harsh my vibe daddy-o, I like sitting on the floor."
Now, we're probably not going to have a third one (that is not a challenge, baby gods), but if we did, I wonder what that child would be like. Would baby number three be the hellion, or is it possible to be even more easy going and laid back than Edward? Would Pirate Boat just exist as a smiling puddle of babyness, unable to even wave or roll over, lest she disturb her inner balance? Who knows, but let me close by saying that, while I am surprised at the Edward's level of peace and happiness, I am also very, very grateful.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Cheering for the Unpackers
I know that many of you were rooting for the Steelers or the Packers on Sunday, but I have to throw my support behind the Unpackers. This is because I cannot find anything. For some reason, I thought that moving would be the hard part of moving, but the worst part is actually the unpacking.
This afternoon I am headed to New York for another audition (don't ask for who, a gentleman never tells), which means I need several items that I do not use on a daily basis, which means that they are all scattered about the house in various boxes that are probably not labeled.
To go to an audition I need: my suit, my audition music, my good shoes, my headshot, a shirt and tie to go under the suit, the GPS to get me to New York, and the charging cable for the GPS. None of these things were where they really ought to have been. My wife found my suit in a bin somewhere, my good shoes were in a box in the mudroom containing hats and gloves, and I never found my headshots. Shirt and tie were easy to find, actually with the rest of my clothes, but the GPS was in my wife's purse, and the charging cable for it was in a box with my old Playstation 2.
Once I finally found everything I needed for my trip, it was time to start looking for everything Ruby and Edward would need for two days at Grammy's, since my Mom will be watching them while I'm gone. Man, two kids need a lot of stuff for two days. Luckily I got an assist from my wife on this one, but you can see why we need to unpack.
I have moved so many times in my life that I've lost track, and yet for some reason, I always forget what a pain unpacking is. It is a huge pain. I don't know how long it's going to take to finish (probably several years), but in the meantime, I will be cheering for the unpackers.
This afternoon I am headed to New York for another audition (don't ask for who, a gentleman never tells), which means I need several items that I do not use on a daily basis, which means that they are all scattered about the house in various boxes that are probably not labeled.
To go to an audition I need: my suit, my audition music, my good shoes, my headshot, a shirt and tie to go under the suit, the GPS to get me to New York, and the charging cable for the GPS. None of these things were where they really ought to have been. My wife found my suit in a bin somewhere, my good shoes were in a box in the mudroom containing hats and gloves, and I never found my headshots. Shirt and tie were easy to find, actually with the rest of my clothes, but the GPS was in my wife's purse, and the charging cable for it was in a box with my old Playstation 2.
Once I finally found everything I needed for my trip, it was time to start looking for everything Ruby and Edward would need for two days at Grammy's, since my Mom will be watching them while I'm gone. Man, two kids need a lot of stuff for two days. Luckily I got an assist from my wife on this one, but you can see why we need to unpack.
I have moved so many times in my life that I've lost track, and yet for some reason, I always forget what a pain unpacking is. It is a huge pain. I don't know how long it's going to take to finish (probably several years), but in the meantime, I will be cheering for the unpackers.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Poor Decisions in Late Night Parenting Adventures
Mere moments after going to bed, I heard Ruby yelling and crying. Simone and I got up to find that she had thrown up all over her bed. Edward had been throwing up for the past few days, so I guess she got it from him. The bigger problem was this was the exact moment that Simone got it too, so clean up was up to ol' Dad.
Now, if you know me well, you probably have noticed that I am a little OCD, a little ADD, part ADHD, part ODB and all OMG. Most of my issues have to do with food and textures, and puke is probably my worst nightmare: a perfect storm of all my issues and problems. I didn't think I was going to survive.
The other pertinent piece of information is that our new place has no laundry. I don't know of any all night laundromats in Richmond (or any laundromats at all in Richmond), so that meant my cleaning options were the sink, the toilet, or the shower. I don't know what I should have chosen, but it was late, I was tired, and the toilet and sink seemed too small to fit three large blanket/bedspreads. I chose the shower. In hindsight, I don't know if there was a good choice, but shower was definitely not it.
The problem with the shower is that it is a stand alone shower with no tub, so I couldn't really fit everything in at once, and also the drain grate is screwed on. As I tried to shake the blankets clean, the drain quickly clogged and the shower started to fill with icky water. Of course I didn't notice this, as I was flailing about under the shower head, trying so hard to keep my dinner down. So the shower overflowed onto the bathroom floor.
Now I am frantically trying to clear the drain, but everytime I get some stuff out, more immediately takes its place. Somehow it did not occur to me to turn the water off. I'm sure this story is already gross enough already, so let's just say the bathroom was a mess, and I managed to clean it all up without puking, so a minor victory for me.
When I finally was done, Ruby started throwing up again, so I sat with her and held her hair back, wishing I had drank more in college so I could have had some experience with this sort of thing. Ruby was up on and off all night, and unfortunately so was Simone, and of course Edward woke up to cheer everybody on, so now I am exhausted and have to go find somewhere to launder several garbage bags full of barfy bedclothes. All part of the joys of parenting I suppose. I need a nap.
Now, if you know me well, you probably have noticed that I am a little OCD, a little ADD, part ADHD, part ODB and all OMG. Most of my issues have to do with food and textures, and puke is probably my worst nightmare: a perfect storm of all my issues and problems. I didn't think I was going to survive.
The other pertinent piece of information is that our new place has no laundry. I don't know of any all night laundromats in Richmond (or any laundromats at all in Richmond), so that meant my cleaning options were the sink, the toilet, or the shower. I don't know what I should have chosen, but it was late, I was tired, and the toilet and sink seemed too small to fit three large blanket/bedspreads. I chose the shower. In hindsight, I don't know if there was a good choice, but shower was definitely not it.
The problem with the shower is that it is a stand alone shower with no tub, so I couldn't really fit everything in at once, and also the drain grate is screwed on. As I tried to shake the blankets clean, the drain quickly clogged and the shower started to fill with icky water. Of course I didn't notice this, as I was flailing about under the shower head, trying so hard to keep my dinner down. So the shower overflowed onto the bathroom floor.
Now I am frantically trying to clear the drain, but everytime I get some stuff out, more immediately takes its place. Somehow it did not occur to me to turn the water off. I'm sure this story is already gross enough already, so let's just say the bathroom was a mess, and I managed to clean it all up without puking, so a minor victory for me.
When I finally was done, Ruby started throwing up again, so I sat with her and held her hair back, wishing I had drank more in college so I could have had some experience with this sort of thing. Ruby was up on and off all night, and unfortunately so was Simone, and of course Edward woke up to cheer everybody on, so now I am exhausted and have to go find somewhere to launder several garbage bags full of barfy bedclothes. All part of the joys of parenting I suppose. I need a nap.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
How to Make a Super Sandwich
Yesterday, I made the biggest sandwich I could. And here's how I did it.
First, get a loaf of bread. A whole loaf.
Second, slather it with condiments. You can never have too much mayo!
Next you put as much meat on as you can. In this example I used roast beef, pepper crusted turkey, genoa salami, and german bologna, but feel free to add whatever you like.
Now follow that up with the cheeses. My sandwich has American, provolone, and muenster. If you would prefer some cheddar, or some pepper jack, I would understand.
Don't forget the veggies, or else it's not good for you!
Ta-da! Giant sandwich! Delicious.
Now I normally only make this sandwich for the Superbowl, but as I was not home on Sunday, I had to make it last night, and the best part is, I can have it tonight too! Yum-a-rum!
First, get a loaf of bread. A whole loaf.
Second, slather it with condiments. You can never have too much mayo!
Next you put as much meat on as you can. In this example I used roast beef, pepper crusted turkey, genoa salami, and german bologna, but feel free to add whatever you like.
Now follow that up with the cheeses. My sandwich has American, provolone, and muenster. If you would prefer some cheddar, or some pepper jack, I would understand.
Don't forget the veggies, or else it's not good for you!
Ta-da! Giant sandwich! Delicious.
Now I normally only make this sandwich for the Superbowl, but as I was not home on Sunday, I had to make it last night, and the best part is, I can have it tonight too! Yum-a-rum!
Monday, February 7, 2011
One Man's Journey to the Superbowl
This is the story of a man. A man who, for reasons unbeknownst even to himself, wanted to watch the Superbowl. A man with no television service or internet. A man surrounded by obstacles and boxes. Ladies and gentlemen... I am that man.
I know that somehow it is my own fault, but the circumstances were such that we moved into a new house on Saturday (amidst the thundersnow no less) and the satellite guy was scheduled to come out first thing Monday morning. That meant that for a 36 hour period or so, we would be without television. And it happened to be Superbowl Sunday.
Now I don't even like football. I don't watch any of the other games, except for dramatic effect while filming videos about Coke, and I certainly don't care who wins or loses. But I do like the commercials, and I like my Superbowl tradition of trying to make the biggest sandwich I possibly can, and I also enjoy the shared experience of watching something that pretty much everybody else is watching too. Also, not being able to do something makes me really really want to do it. I know, I am such a child.
So there I am, Sunday morning, suddenly realizing that I am going to miss the Superbowl. The first thing I did was to try and turn on the TV, just in case. Didn't TV used to magically come from the sky and be free? Well, not anymore. That didn't work. Next I tried to think of who we could go visit that did have TV, and where the kids could fall asleep as needed. Simone's mother doesn't have TV anymore, her sister was deathly ill, and her other sister, and my mother and sister, were too far away. Nuts.
Next I turned to facebook, posting a plea online to let us crash somebody's Superbowl party. We got a lot of nice offers from around the country, bur none within a thirty minute radius of our house. So I looked up on my phone how to watch TV these days without a provider. It turned out that I needed a digital antenna. Off to Best Buy!
I did in fact buy a digital antenna from Best Buy, and I did in fact spend probably two hours trying to make it work. Nothing. It scanned and scanned, but all I got was static. I tried different television sets, I tried different sides of the house, I held it up high, I held it down low, but nothing worked. By this time it was five o'clock and I had to admit defeat. I was going to sit home alone all night with my giant sandwich.
It was exactly at this moment that my wife looked up from her phone and said "Want to go to a Superbowl party?" Her new friend from work, who happens to live five minutes away and was totally unaware of my struggle, was having a few people over to watch the game. Pulled from the jaws of defeat with only seconds to spare, we raced over to her house just in time for the coin toss.
We made it to halftime before the kids went insane and we had to take them home. Green Bay was winning when we left, but I have no idea what happened after that. Judging from facebook, they did indeed win, but who cares!? It's only a game. A game that none of us were playing in. What matters is that I had a great night with my family and some new friends. And now I get to make a giant sandwich tonight for dinner!
I know that somehow it is my own fault, but the circumstances were such that we moved into a new house on Saturday (amidst the thundersnow no less) and the satellite guy was scheduled to come out first thing Monday morning. That meant that for a 36 hour period or so, we would be without television. And it happened to be Superbowl Sunday.
Now I don't even like football. I don't watch any of the other games, except for dramatic effect while filming videos about Coke, and I certainly don't care who wins or loses. But I do like the commercials, and I like my Superbowl tradition of trying to make the biggest sandwich I possibly can, and I also enjoy the shared experience of watching something that pretty much everybody else is watching too. Also, not being able to do something makes me really really want to do it. I know, I am such a child.
So there I am, Sunday morning, suddenly realizing that I am going to miss the Superbowl. The first thing I did was to try and turn on the TV, just in case. Didn't TV used to magically come from the sky and be free? Well, not anymore. That didn't work. Next I tried to think of who we could go visit that did have TV, and where the kids could fall asleep as needed. Simone's mother doesn't have TV anymore, her sister was deathly ill, and her other sister, and my mother and sister, were too far away. Nuts.
Next I turned to facebook, posting a plea online to let us crash somebody's Superbowl party. We got a lot of nice offers from around the country, bur none within a thirty minute radius of our house. So I looked up on my phone how to watch TV these days without a provider. It turned out that I needed a digital antenna. Off to Best Buy!
I did in fact buy a digital antenna from Best Buy, and I did in fact spend probably two hours trying to make it work. Nothing. It scanned and scanned, but all I got was static. I tried different television sets, I tried different sides of the house, I held it up high, I held it down low, but nothing worked. By this time it was five o'clock and I had to admit defeat. I was going to sit home alone all night with my giant sandwich.
It was exactly at this moment that my wife looked up from her phone and said "Want to go to a Superbowl party?" Her new friend from work, who happens to live five minutes away and was totally unaware of my struggle, was having a few people over to watch the game. Pulled from the jaws of defeat with only seconds to spare, we raced over to her house just in time for the coin toss.
We made it to halftime before the kids went insane and we had to take them home. Green Bay was winning when we left, but I have no idea what happened after that. Judging from facebook, they did indeed win, but who cares!? It's only a game. A game that none of us were playing in. What matters is that I had a great night with my family and some new friends. And now I get to make a giant sandwich tonight for dinner!
Friday, February 4, 2011
Top Chef Season 42
The first thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a farmer. Young me sat down with my Mom and planned out my whole farm. We talked about what I wanted to grow, and where the farm would have to be located if I wanted to grow grapes and green peppers next to each other. I picked out animals to raise, and was very excited about the whole thing. My wife wanted to be an art teacher as her first career choice. Needless to say, neither of us ever became those things (I am NOT getting up before the sun to milk anything!), but that doesn't mean that kids shouldn't follow their dreams, even if those dreams change. I still would like to have a garden, and I do think Simone would make a great teacher or artist someday, and Ruby wants to be a chef.
I love baking, and even more, I love baking with Ruby. She can crack an egg by herself, even if a little shell gets in, and she gets really upset if something gets stirred or mixed and she was not a part of it. We make cookies and brownies and cupcakes together, and she also likes cooking dinners with me. Tacos, mac & cheese, and spaghetti, Ruby has a hand in all of them. She is even learning to spread her own peanut butter on her bread. And she talks constantly about becoming a chef.
Yesterday I decided to watch an episode of Top Chef with Ruby, so she could see the kinds of things real chefs could do. I was so pleased to discover that this particular episode was filled with profanity. I mean, I know they bleeped it, but it was uncomfortable to sit with my almost four-year-old daughter and listen to Marcel go off on Dale, with every other word being bleeped. Stupid Marcel.
Well, Ruby seemed to like the episode. They all went fishing for their own fish, and Ruby explained to me how Mickey Mouse goes fishing for gooey fish, so she knows all about how to catch fish. Then they cooked their fish, cursing all the way, and Ruby was excited to find out who had caught the yummiest fish.
When the show was over (spoiler alert from like a month ago, Carla caught the yummiest fish) I asked Ruby if she liked the show, and if she still thought it looked fun to be a chef. She said yes, but then revealed to me that the real reason she wanted to be a chef was because she liked the dog chef from TV. She was referring to ZeFronk, who apparently is a much better chef than anyone on Top Chef. But either way, be sure to look for Ruby on Top Chef Season 42 in about 20 years. She's going to tear it up!
I love baking, and even more, I love baking with Ruby. She can crack an egg by herself, even if a little shell gets in, and she gets really upset if something gets stirred or mixed and she was not a part of it. We make cookies and brownies and cupcakes together, and she also likes cooking dinners with me. Tacos, mac & cheese, and spaghetti, Ruby has a hand in all of them. She is even learning to spread her own peanut butter on her bread. And she talks constantly about becoming a chef.
Yesterday I decided to watch an episode of Top Chef with Ruby, so she could see the kinds of things real chefs could do. I was so pleased to discover that this particular episode was filled with profanity. I mean, I know they bleeped it, but it was uncomfortable to sit with my almost four-year-old daughter and listen to Marcel go off on Dale, with every other word being bleeped. Stupid Marcel.
Well, Ruby seemed to like the episode. They all went fishing for their own fish, and Ruby explained to me how Mickey Mouse goes fishing for gooey fish, so she knows all about how to catch fish. Then they cooked their fish, cursing all the way, and Ruby was excited to find out who had caught the yummiest fish.
When the show was over (spoiler alert from like a month ago, Carla caught the yummiest fish) I asked Ruby if she liked the show, and if she still thought it looked fun to be a chef. She said yes, but then revealed to me that the real reason she wanted to be a chef was because she liked the dog chef from TV. She was referring to ZeFronk, who apparently is a much better chef than anyone on Top Chef. But either way, be sure to look for Ruby on Top Chef Season 42 in about 20 years. She's going to tear it up!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Use It or Move It
We are moving in two days, and so once again are faced with that immortal dilemma, use it or move it. This applies to many things in our house, but mostly to food. Rather than buy any new food this week, we are attempting to somehow use the more bizarre items on hand, in hopes that we will not have to schlep them to the new house.
The sheer amount of weird or old food is surprising. We have only been living in this apartment since October! How can we have already amassed such a massive supply of food that we would never normally eat. We have at least four different kinds of meat in the freezer, waiting to be defrosted. We have cans and cans of stuff that doesn't seem to go with any of our other stuff, but on moving week, you make it work. How does one combine ground beef, a can of pineapple, white chocolate chips, three kinds of mustards, and half a block of cheddar cheese? I don't know, but it sounds like a Top Chef challenge of some sort. Any ideas out there?
And it's not just food. If we time it right, we can use our last trash bags to pack up some errant clothing and thus not have to pack the box of trash bags themselves! Anything that we can use up in the next two days is one more thing that we don't have to move! If I can just have three more headaches, we don't have to pack the Tylenol!
Writing it all out like this, it seems a little silly, but believe me, it makes total sense. We are not made of boxes here people. Faced with limited packing supplies and a small trailer with which to move, every little bit helps, so if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen, packing up dishes and eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich.
The sheer amount of weird or old food is surprising. We have only been living in this apartment since October! How can we have already amassed such a massive supply of food that we would never normally eat. We have at least four different kinds of meat in the freezer, waiting to be defrosted. We have cans and cans of stuff that doesn't seem to go with any of our other stuff, but on moving week, you make it work. How does one combine ground beef, a can of pineapple, white chocolate chips, three kinds of mustards, and half a block of cheddar cheese? I don't know, but it sounds like a Top Chef challenge of some sort. Any ideas out there?
And it's not just food. If we time it right, we can use our last trash bags to pack up some errant clothing and thus not have to pack the box of trash bags themselves! Anything that we can use up in the next two days is one more thing that we don't have to move! If I can just have three more headaches, we don't have to pack the Tylenol!
Writing it all out like this, it seems a little silly, but believe me, it makes total sense. We are not made of boxes here people. Faced with limited packing supplies and a small trailer with which to move, every little bit helps, so if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen, packing up dishes and eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Snowgnarok
Snowmageddon and Snowpocalypse have come and gone, and yet here we are, being covered by yet another blizzard, and we are running out of overly dramatic storm nicknames. I have named this one Snowgnarok: Twilight of the Snow Gods. We are currently being buried under what they tell us could be 18" of snow.
Now if you were in Baltimore last winter, you are scoffing at this, and wondering why people in Vermont are so worried about such a light dusting of snow, but people in Baltimore should understand that Vermonters are not used to as much snow as Balitmoreans, so it is a big problem around here.
The biggest problem I can see is with crazy people who are still going to work today. All the schools are cancelled, so that's not an issue, but judging from people's facebook statuses, there are some places that are still forcing their employees to come in to work. Note to businesses: If you are not a hospital, or similar life-saving agency, turn off your lights, shut your doors, and go play in the snow. I mean, even the mall is closed! Come on, seriously people!
One fun thing about a snow day is that both parents are home, so the kids get more attention. Currently, I am sitting on the couch with Ruby watching Little Einsteins (well, I am blogging, but she is watching it...) and Simone is helping Edward learn to walk. Ruby started walking when she turned 10 months old, and was cruising before that; Edward started cruising on Monday, two days after his 10 month mark. I spent a lot of time with baby Ruby, helping her learn and grow one-on-one, and I often wonder if Edward is suffering from the fact that I can only spend half as much time with him, as he is the second child. That may or may not be true, but it's nice to have Simone home, and Edward seems very excited about learning to walk.
Another fun thing to do on a snowy day is pack your entire house. We are moving into our new place on Saturday, which means we need to pack. We have a good three days to pack everything, and so far we have packed....um...well..., at least we never unpacked a bunch of stuff from the last move...
Finally, snow is fun for playing in. I'm sure we will be out romping around in it at some point today. I am still in my robe, so I haven't been outside to check the snow quality. I don't know if it is wet enough for snowballs and snowmen and three story snow forts with rotating turrets, but we will find something fun to do in it anyway. But for now I am going to eat another donut and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Ruby. Happy Snowgnarok everyone!
Now if you were in Baltimore last winter, you are scoffing at this, and wondering why people in Vermont are so worried about such a light dusting of snow, but people in Baltimore should understand that Vermonters are not used to as much snow as Balitmoreans, so it is a big problem around here.
The biggest problem I can see is with crazy people who are still going to work today. All the schools are cancelled, so that's not an issue, but judging from people's facebook statuses, there are some places that are still forcing their employees to come in to work. Note to businesses: If you are not a hospital, or similar life-saving agency, turn off your lights, shut your doors, and go play in the snow. I mean, even the mall is closed! Come on, seriously people!
One fun thing about a snow day is that both parents are home, so the kids get more attention. Currently, I am sitting on the couch with Ruby watching Little Einsteins (well, I am blogging, but she is watching it...) and Simone is helping Edward learn to walk. Ruby started walking when she turned 10 months old, and was cruising before that; Edward started cruising on Monday, two days after his 10 month mark. I spent a lot of time with baby Ruby, helping her learn and grow one-on-one, and I often wonder if Edward is suffering from the fact that I can only spend half as much time with him, as he is the second child. That may or may not be true, but it's nice to have Simone home, and Edward seems very excited about learning to walk.
Another fun thing to do on a snowy day is pack your entire house. We are moving into our new place on Saturday, which means we need to pack. We have a good three days to pack everything, and so far we have packed....um...well..., at least we never unpacked a bunch of stuff from the last move...
Finally, snow is fun for playing in. I'm sure we will be out romping around in it at some point today. I am still in my robe, so I haven't been outside to check the snow quality. I don't know if it is wet enough for snowballs and snowmen and three story snow forts with rotating turrets, but we will find something fun to do in it anyway. But for now I am going to eat another donut and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with Ruby. Happy Snowgnarok everyone!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Top Opera Names For Pets
Here's a common problem: you are an opera lover with a new pet and you want to come up with a name for your new friend that correctly expresses your love for opera. Here's a slightly less common problem: you are a pet lover with a new appreciation for opera, and you want to rename your old pets with new, more operatic sounding names. In either case, I am here to help! Here are some suggestions, but feel free to make up your own, because unlike with human babies, it is okay to give pets completely ridiculous names.
Opera Names For Dogs
Poochiano Pavarotti
Richard Dogner
Black Laboheme
Dog Giovanni (also Dog Pasquale, Dog Carlo, etc.)
Tannschnauzer
Corgi fan tutte
Wertherrier
I Puppitani
Piquengese Dame
Martha
Opera Names For Cats
Der Rosenkatvalier
Purrsifal
Die Meowstersinger
Manon Lescat
Benjamin Kitten
Purrnani
Salomanx
La Cheetarentola
Prince Tigor
Feral Milnes
Opera Names For Birds
Leos Janachick
Papageno
The Flying Dutchman
Toucanna Netrebko
Simon Beakanegra
Bird of the Golden West
Joan Featherland
Opera Names For Pot Bellied Pigs
Pigoletto
Porky & Bess
Der Pig des Nibelungen
Giacomo Porcini
Opera Names For Fish
Mefishtofele
La Fish du Regiment
The Pearl Fishes
Opera Names For Rhinoceros
Rhino & Aeneas
Marilyn Horn
Opera Names For Dogs
Poochiano Pavarotti
Richard Dogner
Black Laboheme
Dog Giovanni (also Dog Pasquale, Dog Carlo, etc.)
Tannschnauzer
Corgi fan tutte
Wertherrier
I Puppitani
Piquengese Dame
Martha
Opera Names For Cats
Der Rosenkatvalier
Purrsifal
Die Meowstersinger
Manon Lescat
Benjamin Kitten
Purrnani
Salomanx
La Cheetarentola
Prince Tigor
Feral Milnes
Opera Names For Birds
Leos Janachick
Papageno
The Flying Dutchman
Toucanna Netrebko
Simon Beakanegra
Bird of the Golden West
Joan Featherland
Opera Names For Pot Bellied Pigs
Pigoletto
Porky & Bess
Der Pig des Nibelungen
Giacomo Porcini
Opera Names For Fish
Mefishtofele
La Fish du Regiment
The Pearl Fishes
Opera Names For Rhinoceros
Rhino & Aeneas
Marilyn Horn
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